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At 77, writer Catherine Hiller decided to step outside her comfort zone by paying $69 to attend a cuddle party in New York City. She expected an evening of affectionate physical contact with strangers, imagining people embracing, stroking one another and forming cosy groups.
Instead, the experience was far more subdued. The event was strictly non-sexual and centred on consent, with participants required to ask for permission before touching anyone. After a workshop on boundaries, Hiller made a few requests herself, but nobody asked to touch her. Many attendees simply talked rather than cuddled, leaving her disappointed and prompting her to leave early.
Why the 77-year-old woman paid $69 to cuddle with strangers
Hiller said she had only cuddled people she knew well, including her husbands and sons when they were young, but became curious about what it would be like to share affectionate physical contact with strangers.
Her husband of 25 years initially thought the idea sounded strange, while a friend was also unimpressed. Hiller nevertheless bought a ticket and decided to attend alone. Before the event, she imagined a much more intimate experience, picturing strangers comfortably embracing, stroking each other's hair and lying together on cushions.The event was advertised as a non-sexual, drug- and alcohol-free gathering for adults.
Participants were required to ask for permission and receive a verbal yes before touching another person, while nobody was obligated to cuddle anyone. The official Cuddle Party rules similarly state that the events are platonic, that clothes remain on and that participants can refuse any request or change their minds.The evening began with a workshop on consent and boundaries. Participants practised making specific requests for physical contact, refusing requests and accepting rejection.
Hiller initially wondered why an entire hour was needed for such exercises, but later realised that the workshop made people more comfortable communicating what they wanted and did not want. The format is designed to help attendees practise these communication skills before the free-form cuddle session begins.
Hiller asked strangers if she could touch them
Around 30 people were present at the Manhattan loft, according to Hiller's account. Most appeared to be in their 30s and 40s, although she noticed younger participants and a few people around her own age.
Once the workshop ended, attendees could talk, cuddle, have snacks or simply relax. Hiller decided to make the first move and asked a man if she could stroke his forearm. He agreed, but the interaction did not lead to further touching.
She later asked a woman if she could caress her cheek, and the woman also consented. Hiller said her requests were never rejected, but nobody asked her for physical contact.
Many people were talking instead of cuddling
The evening turned out to be much less physically intimate than Hiller had imagined.
She noticed many attendees simply chatting with one another rather than cuddling. She also spoke with another first-time attendee, a German woman around her age who was looking for a romantic partner. The woman had brought cards containing her first name and telephone number to give to men she found interesting. Hiller saw some groups cuddling on the floor, but she never became part of one.
As the evening continued, she began feeling like a wallflower and eventually decided to leave before the closing circle.
She returned home to her husband
After leaving the event, Hiller returned home to her husband. He was already asleep, but she slipped into bed beside him, snuggled against his back and placed one leg over him. While sleeping, he held her foot. For Hiller, that simple moment provided the affection she had been looking for and made her feel at home. The contrast between the awkward search for physical contact with strangers and the familiar intimacy she already shared with her husband became the emotional conclusion of her experience.
Cuddle parties are not dating or hook-up events
Cuddle Party describes its gatherings as platonic social events rather than dating or hook-up sessions. The organisation says people can attend to meet others, practise communication, experience consensual touch or simply talk. Participants can choose whom they want to touch, decline requests and leave whenever they wish. The official guidelines also make clear that a person does not have to cuddle anyone at all.
The experience became a lesson in expectations
Hiller ultimately viewed the evening as a humorous lesson in expectations, ageing and self-confidence. She had imagined that strangers would be eager to cuddle with her, but discovered that even an event specifically organised around consensual touch does not guarantee that people will choose one another for physical affection. She left disappointed, but the experience also made her appreciate the uncomplicated affection she already had at home.
