12 hours ago
5
Low libido is one of the top concerns people have when they seek help from me as a sex coach. I was prepared for this because my training covered the wide range of reasons that people may experience periods of low interest in sex: from hormonal changes throughout the lifespan, difficulties communicating sexual needs with a partner to lack of solid sexual pleasure education, and medications or medical conditions that impact sexual wellness. What I was not prepared for was how many people would share that they experience low libido without seemingly any common cause present.
What I know now, after almost a decade in practice, is that our sex lives aren't just impacted by what happens to us on an individual level or interpersonally with our partners. Our sex lives can suffer when the world around us feels uncertain or even dangerous.
There is a direct link between high stress and low libido. And while I don’t think anyone should give up completely on working toward the kind of sex life they want, it’s important to recognize if the conditions for having sex aren’t ideal for you—and to be okay with abstaining from it when the world around you feels unmanageable.
If you're noticing that sex has become harder to navigate recently or you just don't think about sex at all, you're not alone. A lot of my clients are noticing that their libidos have taken a nosedive without any discernible reason at first glance. But what I'm seeing in my practice today reminds me of what I saw in 2017 and again in 2020: Couples with high-stress levels due to socio-political turmoil and insecurity are having sex less frequently.
Some of my clients feel like their stress level hasn’t been particularly high lately, but then describe the daily challenges they face navigating work, home, and family. They often express worries about climate change, political uncertainty, and financial strain. They may not even be aware of how stressed out they are, since we all adapt to higher and higher stress levels over time. Also, persistent low-grade stress (think financial insecurity, fear of layoffs, inflation, or geo-political instability) is just as harmful, if not more, than short periods of high stress. These realities have deeply impacted my clients’ abilities to feel sexually connected—and they are plentiful.
From 2017 to 2020, I worked with clients who were dealing with the fallout of the #MeToo movement. Many survivors of sexual assault, coercion, or abuse were telling their stories to their partners for the first time or were retraumatized by the deluge of stories coming out on a daily basis. They needed space in their relationship to process all of this, sometimes with the knowledge that their male partner voted for President Donald Trump, who at the time only had sexual assault allegations against him and now has been convicted of this crime.
Amid this political stress also came a global pandemic. Yes, the COVID-19 pandemic, which resulted in nationwide preventative measures in March 2020, caused a brief increase in sexual frequency as couples were spending more time at home together. But it was also a stressful time for many who dealt with sickness, death, childcare, and homeschooling—not to mention, the general day-to-day monotony of life. I saw many couples throughout the pandemic who struggled with how to cope with their “new normal” and find intimacy in the drudgery. It was hard, and some managed through it, as vaccines rolled out and people were able to move about more freely.
Then, came the Supreme Court’s decision in Dobbs v. Jackson in 2022. An all-out assault on reproductive freedom, the overturning of Roe v. Wade left so many without proper access to pregnancy prevention or adequate medical care in the event of an abortion. As a result, we have seen a decrease in sexual frequency among singles under 50. According to a June 2024 Match Group survey, more than 1 in 10 singles reported having less frequent sex as a direct result of this life-changing ruling. The stress caused by the fear of getting pregnant is enough for many to completely rethink how much sex they can risk having.
Read More: How the Fall of Roe v. Wade Has Changed Dating in the U.S.
And now, with talks of a looming recession in Trump’s second term, many Americans are feeling more and more insecure about the future—not to mention reeling day to day from government layoffs and mass deportations, among other things.
It’s not just adults who are impacted by how politics, economics, and health access have shaped our sexual realities. Gen Z is having less sex than previous generations, and we also know that despite having more earning potential than Millennials, the majority (69%) are living paycheck to paycheck. There has been discussion of why Gen Z may not want to bring children into a world with a massive climate crisis and terrible housing prospects, but there have also been studies showing that younger people are experiencing higher rates of anhedonia—or the lack of ability to experience pleasure. All of this may be curbing their desire to engage in partnered sex.
Read more: Why Everyone Is Having Bad Sex (Especially Young People)
We have been living through largely unprecedented times with barely a moment of peace. Yes, we can find moments of respite, times of joy and celebration, and deep connection to our partners. But feeling sexy? In this economy?
We take our sexual desire for granted when it is in fact tied to so many things outside of our control. There are those who feel inspired to have sex in spite of everything going on, reluctant to let modern stressors rob them of their sexual pleasure. And that could be a great source of stress relief! There are also those who may be carrying around guilt or shame for never feeling “in the mood” anymore.
Of course, there is a future where things will feel different and allow for sexual desire to flourish. Until then, it’s ok to opt out of sex if desire feels out of reach.
