1 month ago
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Scotland's Lisa Aitken wondered if she would ever walk normally again as she battled back from a career-threatening knee injury.
The 34-year-old has had surgery three times after fully rupturing the anterior cruciate and medial collateral ligaments as well as tearing the meniscus in her knee during a match in late 2022.
Almost two years on, Aitken - who has competed in three Commonwealth Games - will make her comeback at next week's Qatar Classic at Khalifa International Squash Complex in Doha.
"Just having to have two follow-up surgeries, I was thinking 'will I ever be able to walk normally again?' There was a significant period of time where I was limping," she told BBC Sport Scotland.
"The more time went on, the more I became aware I might not be able to return to sport at an elite level and then my mindset probably had a little shift to 'I just want to walk again, I just want to be able to run after my kids one day' and rehab the knee from that point of view.
"But that was very short lived. The way athletes are wired, you always want to defy the odds, you always want to achieve great things even if they are impossible, so that very quickly changed to 'I just want to get back on tour'.
"I am probably real about the goals I want to achieve now; just getting back on tour and being able to put on that dress, have the sweat bands on, have a referee call out my name and the score is simply the short-term goal."
The injury came at a time when Aitken's career was very much on the up – she had just reached a career high of 21 in the world ranking.
The Montrose athlete admits she found the mental torment during the gruelling battle back tougher than the physical fight.
Aitken highlighted dealing with "the grieving process around losing your identity for a period of time, losing your career, your job, your salary".
She added: "When you are an athlete your name is very much associated with the player, with the competitor and that was gone.
"Not knowing when that was going to come back, if that was going to comeback was really tough. Going through the thoughts of: 'Who am I?' 'What is my purpose now?' 'What do I do if I can't get back?'
"I have a couple of psychologists I work with and I am very grateful for them. Had I not had them I probably wouldn't be returning to the sport at all.
"The physical pain you can handle, it is the mental challenges that bring it – not making money, not knowing who you are and if you are going to be able to get that back."
While thrilled to be back in action, Aitken believes "it is going to be apparent very quickly whether I am going to be able to compete at the level I am used to or not".
"I will know within about six to eight months," she explained. "I will be very honest, if I am not feeling like I can compete at a level I am happy with, I will call it a day.
"I have goals of being the Scottish number one again. We have the Commonwealth Games in two years' time, hopefully squash can be included in Glasgow.
"Then, not beating around the bush, we have been included in the Olympics for the first time in LA '28.
"I will be 38, that is a very long shot of a target but so long as I am healthy and if the season goes well this year, that may become a target for me.
"I was out in my mid-20s for two-and-a-half years with the effects of Dengue fever and I have now been out for a couple of years with this knee injury, so I feel like even though I am 34, I have years in the bank that are unused."
And the Scot has opened up on her decision to put her dreams of becoming a parent on hold while she bids to try and turn those of the Olympic variety in to reality.
"I think probably the team would be decided quite a while out from LA 28 so maybe early 2027 I would know by then so it is honestly not too long away, but you put everything into this sport, it would be crazy not to give the Olympics a shot," she added.
"A lot will depend how this first couple of seasons go back on tour that will give me a realistic idea of whether or not I can compete for a spot.
"First and foremost for me is, is that going to be an achievable goal based on this rehab I have gone through? If so, of course those conversations will be had around, for example, freezing eggs and saving motherhood for later down the line.
"I think 37, 38 is young to still become a mum for the first time and it is also doable to be an athlete, you either strive and leave no stone unturned and become and Olympian, which is pretty cool, or you don’t and you have peace over knowing you gave it absolutely everything or you become a mum and both those things are really quite cool."
