Years after coming out as Scotland's only gay footballer, I'm so much happier

While sitting on a balcony in Benidorm, Zander Murray made a decision that would change his life forever, and for the better.

He released a secret he had kept for 16 years, and announced to friends on social media that he was gay - making him the first senior male player in Scottish football to come out.

Now, nearly four years on, the former striker says he is so much happier living life as his "authentic self". He now devotes his time to championing others as a public speaker and activist.

The 34-year-old says that although football has made progress in becoming more inclusive, the men's game in Scotland still has a long way to go to catch up with the women's in terms of LGBT visibility.

Speaking to Radio Scotland Breakfast he said: "I just replayed my whole life - 16 years of pain and struggling in the closet - and I just thought to myself, 'What is the big deal?'

"I didn't have any social media at the time, just my private Facebook which had my football boys on it and I thought, 'Do you know what - I am just going to make a wee post.'

"Then I fell asleep, when I woke up it was an explosion of notifications, all the media outlets picked it up.

"But the reason I am here doing what I am doing are the thousands of messages I got from young people, old people, from football academies, people from all walks of life, from different careers, finance, police officers, all struggling with their sexuality."

'Zero gay or bisexual men in football'

At the time Murray, from Glasgow, was playing for Gala Fairydean Rovers - he has previously praised the club's management and his fellow players for their support.

"They saw my story and it helped them," he said. "After that, I knew I needed to continue."

Murray still remembers how difficult it was to be trapped, and now realises he had been grappling with internalised homophobia.

This is when LGBT people encounter negative beliefs in society towards the LGBT community, absorb those beliefs and accept them to be true.

"I despised myself back then," he said. "I hated myself, I was so conscious of anyone seeing a slight hint of me being camp.

"I'd just give my younger self a cuddle, and tell myself, 'You can do it - it's absolutely fine.'

"I am so glad to be here three-and-a-half years later having empowered so many people."

Having retired from football in 2024, Murray is now an award-winning keynote speaker. He delivers talks on making sport more inclusive to schools, football clubs and huge institutions around the world, such as Uefa.

In the programme, he explored what action was being taken to tackle homophobia in football and how the sport could be made more inclusive.

"There are 130,000 footballers that play professionally worldwide in the men's game," he said. "We currently have zero that are gay or bisexual in the men's game.

"That figure is not pleasant but I do believe Football vs Homophobia and the SPFL in particular are really paying attention.

"I just wish someone could see the work that I am doing, and others who have been open and say 'If they can do it maybe I can as well'."

This month is LGBTQ history month - an opportunity to promote the history and celebrate the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

It comes as research has shown that LGBTQ people in Scotland have felt more than twice as excluded from football as they do from other sports.

Although there is a long way to go for acceptance in the men's game, the women's game is miles ahead, Murray said.

He believes this is entirely to do with how masculinity is perceived.

"If you look at the women's game you have just over 5,000 playing professionally across Europe now which is growing at an amazing rate," he said.

"I tried to count how many gay, bisexual openly LGBT players there are in the women's game. I got to 100 and lost count, it was just not a problem - it was just so easy to see high-profile figures.

"But in the men's game there is none of that. If we can continue to break down the barriers, that's where the power lies.

"I hope in five, 10, 15 years time I can lay back on my balcony in Benidorm and see open, out players with no problems - that's the dream."

Murray's advice for encouraging others in football to come out is - "just ignore the noise".

"People who are struggling with their own sexuality, particularly in male-dominated environments and toxic masculinity environments, need to see other people who are out - people like me," he said.

"They need to see we are just normal people. People just need more of that, the more of that the better - that ignites the change."